Aspergers and Sexual Restraint | Autism PDD

Now I probably sound paranoid to all of you.....and I'm really not.  Matthew goes to school and I trust they are taking care of him...I pray they are taking care of him.  And when he's older, even if he's still so delayed that he just doesn't 'get it', I will do everything I can to help him lead a FULL life to the best of his ability.   But I'm realistic enough to know that because of his delays, he is a much easier target than an NT child.

MomtoM, remember that you are laying a foundation right now.  Matthew does not understand about who is and is not appropriate to reach out to, but he likely will, as he matures.   The more you work with him and teach him, the less anxiety you will feel.  My point is that worrying about predators does nothing to protect your child, but there are steps you can take that do. 

I also do not mean to dismiss the concerns of parents of ASD kids, but to remind us that all parents need to be mindfull of this issue.  No parent can just assume that his child will be able to fend off harmful sexual advances.  Every parent must turn fear into action and lay a solid foundation for his child's future freedom, no matter the degree of freedom/independence.

[QUOTE=KPdearest4]It is sad that the world has come to this that we fear the future of our children based on sickos and weirdos out there (no offense meant by the words - I mean those who crave on the vulnerable)[/QUOTE]

The world has always been a place where all children are vulnerable.  What has changed is that sexual molestation used to be hush-hushed and now it is publicized.  All children are dependent on the care of adults and all are also vulnerable to abuse.  Don't for one minute imagine that things were better in "the good old days" because sexual abuse has always been around.

I suppose that ASD kids might be more vulnerable because of a trusting nature and naivete from delayed social development.  Some ASD kids, though, have fantastically developed "alarm bells" (i.e. screaming.)  Many NT kids are trusting and quiet and are just as open to possible wrongdoing.  My point is that ALL kids need to be educated (at appropriate maturity levels) about what is and is not OK regarding their bodies.

My NT son is 6.  He is in the stage where he loves to mention poop and body parts, etc.  I have not told him about the concept of sexual abuse but I do tell him often that only he is allowed to touch his penis.  Then I add, "The only adults who are allowed to touch your penis or tushy are mommy and the doctor.  No one else is allowed to touch.  No one."  We talk about privacy, too.  I try to be aware of when he is expressing a need for it, because his ability to clearly express this is still maturing.  I take many opportunities in our everyday life to show him privacy in action.  These little ways are solid foundation builders to a child developing a healthy and safe sexual life.  Sexual predators (BTW, usually someone familiar to the child, not someone leaping out of the shadows) are very much less likely to find fertile ground for their sexual advances in a child who has a strong sense of who is allowed to touch them - and to whom they can safely go if someone does.

My pre-verbal child, Alex, has no sense of privacy (yet), etc. so, of course, we always know who is with him.  If he is not at school, he is with one of his parents.  

A child's best protection against sexual predators is  a set of parents who talk with their child about his body and about sexual feelings.  Again, at developmentally appropriate levels.  Very important, as well - A child who has love and warmth and caring listeners at home is much, much less likely to respond to inappropriate offers of "love and affection" from questionable sources.

PDD kids do tend to improve with time. If they never improve to the point where they can be out alone, then the fact that they are never alone helps. I know my son will be in the malls alone one day, and I shudder, but I'm not sure he'll be at greater risk because he's very leery of going with people he doesn't know. At any rate, it's a scary fact that kids are abused and sometimes by those they trust the most. All we can do is teach them what we teach our NT kids. One in four kids are abused or so I've read. That's enough to make any parent nervous.

[QUOTE=MomNos] Also, your ASD child's understanding of people will improve, no matter where he or she is on the spectrum. [/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but that is not something you can say with all certainty...there are no absolutes most especially in my opinion when you are talking about the progress or lack of in an ASD child.  I am thankful though that Matthew does indeed show signs of progress everyday.  I do believe he will one day and perhaps soon understand when I tell him about strangers and the appropriateness of touching...but RIGHT now he doesn't and as I said there IS the possiblity that he won't ever understand (but I think and hope he will).

Tzoya, that really is a great idea.  Unfortunately for some (and my ds is one) it isn't just a question of him understanding WHO is appropriate to allow to touch or for him to touch.  Its a matter of him understanding what a stranger is or why its not ok, etc..  He would not understand your chart...at all

As I said though he IS progressing all the time in all areas...so I think he will come to understand the concept.  My whole point in the discussion is that some will never understand...those are the facts.  And they are scary, very scary facts...that a parent cannot help but be concerned with.

[QUOTE=momof566]well, actually, was I was refering to was that the person not be able to control the urges long enough to put a condom on under the heat of the moment.  [/QUOTE]

This describes many, many, many, many, many people in the world!!!! 

My Asperger's BIL had very little sexual experience before he got married ~40.  He and his wife have one child.  They are actually quite a boring, normal family (like us) and I am glad that my BIL is able to experience the adventure that is parenthood.  Men in general get "all pent up" in a way that women just cannot fathom.  I don't see that ASD men have that urge any stronger than anyone else.  The question is, can a person be a good father?  In my BIL's case, the answer is "yes," but I seriously doubt that my MIL would have said so when her son was a child.  He had a terribly difficult childhood and teenage life. 

My point is that ASD people change and mature, just like all people.   And their sexual judgement changes and matures, as well.  Many ASD people make wonderful parents.

I just want to say to the original poster that your title is asking about Asperger's and sex but your post also asks about ASD individuals and sex.  ASD  (autism spectrum disorder) is the WHOLE spectrum...be they Aspergers or Autistic.  Be they higher functioning or lower functioning.

My fear is more that someone could convince my ds who is currently completely clueless about 'that area,' that it is ok for them to touch him, play with him, and/or engage him in those activities.  That they would convince him that it is THEIR right to do those things and he HAS to let them if they want to.

Right now, ds is not capable of understanding no matter how many different ways I attempt to teach him that it is NOT ok to have those things happen.  Eventually I pray he will be able to grasp that, but there is always the possibility that he won't ever understand.

Oh I Agree

Although Matthew doesn't crave touch, he is very loving, always giving hugs and kisses... and he really enjoys pleasing others, making others happy by doing what they ask/demand of him.  The idea that someone would use that very thing to hurt him is what gives me such an absolute feeling of terror.