Best way to hold during a tantrum? | Autism PDD

I sit on the floor behind him and put my legs across his and hug him, which holds him arms down. I have tried hugging the normal way, face to face, but that is usually asking for trouble, like a bloody nose. The closeness and pressure seems to help. I assume, in my case anyway, the meltdown is due to some sensory thing. It is heartbreaking. They just can't seem to control it and it seems to really frighten them as well, when they are done. Poor things. Good luck.

I used to do the same sort of hold. I called it the Mommy Straighjacket. Not only does it keep the child safe, it gives him sensory input.

I know some people who take EVERYTHING out of the bedroom besides the bed so that the child CAN tantrum without hurting himself. We never did this. Of course, you should try to get advice about how to reduce tantrums from the pros who are experts in autism. Our kids get too big to hold VERY soon.

I agree the mommy hold thats what I have read to do my son throws tamtrum my son thankfully does not throw them that bad we ignore him and he comes around or he is sent to his room and he comes down on his own when he settles he 3 It sounds like the above posters use pretty much the same thing I do. I sit behind Aiden with my knees up and bent, pull his back against my chest into a big front-to-back bear hug and hold him in place with my legs by his sides or arms if I can get them under my knees, then I squeeze gently so that he's not going anywhere until I let him go.

It's very physically restrictive, and the worst he can do is pound on my calves, with very little leverage to actually hurt them, and kick the floor, and he doesn't really fight anyway. I think he likes the pressure, in that it calms him, so he usually tells me to let him go and leave him a lone a few times and then relaxes and listens to me tell him that I'll let him go when he has taken 10 deep breaths and is done hurting himself/throwing things.

This also works well because if/when he stops raging and starts to cry, I can rock him side to side and rub his shoulders, which seems to help even more, put my head just by his ear and whisper to him to let it out and then we can talk about why he's so upset.

I rarely have to do this, but it's a last resort when he's being destructive towards himself or objects, and he simply has to be stopped and calmed down. I'm lucky that he rarely directs his agression towards another person, and even then it's usually just one shove or swat towards them before he starts throwing toys, pillows, movies, etc.

I used the same backwards hold. I called it a bear hug though. I also would quietly sing a song... so he has to stop screaming to hear which one i'm singing.

I also did an ABC book. Antecedent (the trigger or what happened before the melt-down), the behaviour, and the consequence. This really helped me figure out what the triggers were. If I saw a trigger, we would do calming activities so it wouldn't lead to a melt-down. This was a drop everything and work on it... no matter where we were. I was very consistent!!! In the grocery store, we would sit in the middle of the aisle and breath and work through it.

I also learned that when I just put him in his room... he always dumped everything out... eventually I figured out he needed the deep pressure of walking on his metal toy cars to calm down (lol, well me and my best friend put our heads together and figured it out, she's my autism guru!!). So I would do a foot massage and breathing activities when I saw a trigger.

I also did an emotion journal. It had a picture of a face in some expression. We would write/talk about how this person felt, use a mirror and practice our faces and what should we do when we feel this way... We used it like a bedtime story that we just sat and talked about. I always found bedtime was the best time to talk and he was most coherent and receptive. Go figure!

He can now do the breathing with prompting and no violent melt-downs :0) I'm so glad, he is half my weight now and I couldn't "help" him without getting hurt myself.

My concern with this was that the bedroom was also being associated with behaviours I didn't like. I didn't want him to think of his room as somewhere he could act like that... or be fearful to go into his room because of a negitive association.

Panthosette

If he's smaller than you than that backwards hold is deffinetly the way to go. However, it's going to be an issue when he's bigger than you. I'd like to second what Panthosette said, and do a Functional Behavior Assessment. All you need to do is write down what happens before the tantrums (Antecedent), what the behaviors consist of during the tantrum (Behavior), and what happens after the tantrum (Consequence).

Sometimes the tantrums are caused by sensory overload, but even if they are you need to teach him how to control himself. If he doesn't learn how to do it for himself, and always depends on someone else, when he's 17 and without you near, it won't be looked upon kindly if he tantrums.

JessicaO40581.9250462963Yep pretty much the same thing, though these days the meltdowns (though thankfully less frequent) are more violent.

I often have to pin her arms down so she cant scratch herself or anyone else, while straddling her thighs to kept her from moving... then just stay awys form the clamping teeth and wait it out while her dog lays nearby waiting to do her calming thing afterwards.

Its lots of fun.

i used to hold keith. hugging him from behind, ditting on the floor. he broke my nose twice. i suggest letting them go in a room that has a lot of floor space. or risk your nose.

kate

I was wondering how to hold my 5 yo son during his meltdowns. We were just sending them to his room and waiting till he calmed down. But he throws things, kicks the walls and doors etc. He sometimes hurts himself, always breaks something and sometimes hurts others by throwing things. This cannot happen, safety is the #1 issue during these episodes.

I know he can't control it, he gets this far away look in his eyes during his meltdowns, and wen they are over he just sobs and wants me to be with him. So heartbreaking

So, how do I hold him so I dont hurt him, and so he doesn't hit me?

The safest way is to use a "basket hold" as we refer to it here. You are behind your child and you "wrap their arms" across their body....making sure to cross below the elbows (above compromises breathing) and hold their wrist at their waist. You can ease them to the floor between your legs. Then turn your head to almost rest on the outside of their shoulder so you can't get a headbut.

Tricia

Thankfuly,my sons tantrums are not so bad or long now,a have found it is better to stop them befor they start.

For more than a year we have been using the same intervention,at the first sign that he is losing it,we take him to our room put him on our bed face down ,Strattle him and start applying deep pressure' we used a pillow on his back,it took some time but it worked.

now i will say go to my room ,he may scream at me all the way there,but he go's.

i just bought him a weighted blanket,we use this for his deep pressure,he will ask for it now.

It took alot of tantrums to figure what would work for him, I hope you find a way to .

God bless ,Linda

Same hold as everyone else except I use my chin to put a little pressure on his back while I rock him. I also will try to put either a CD or DVD on that will divert his attention a little bit. [QUOTE=Hmschlmama2five]

I know he can't control it, he gets this far away look in his eyes during his meltdowns, and wen they are over he just sobs and wants me to be with him. So heartbreaking

So, how do I hold him so I dont hurt him, and so he doesn't hit me?

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The sad thing is(and its really not a sad thing) is that your son is showing empathy over his outburst. This is a good thing. I feel for our kids, a meltdown in my opinion is more of a frustration build-up. I don't think its an irrational behavior the poor kids just get so P.O.'d because they can't get what they want to say across. They know what they want but we don't and they are struggling to bridge the gap. Sometimes it's too much. Same thing would happen to us if we were in a foregin country and nobody understood what we wanted but they were always trying to get us to learn thier ways and we caouldn't figure out how. you know?This Basket hold stuff sounds intresting i think when i was child and got stressed that i would have actully enjoyed this sort of thing but It was rare for me to get really out of control when i was little and had an upsetting incident . Usually i tried to remind my self not to get to upset about something and struggled to maintain self control and would just cry and shake and nothing else.
Rainman39026.6170717593

I still enjoy it as an adult... course I don't fight it! Or have a melt-down to get it...

funny at that. I ask hubby for tight hugs when I need it or dictate how we all sit on the couch. Kieran is now asking for tight hugs too or asking to snuggle in specific ways. Never really thought about it till now that this could be on purpose.

Kinda cool.

If jessi is having a super tantrum i sit her down on my lap and put her legs around my waist and rub her back.

jessi isnt fond on the whole cuddle thing for too long though, shell still scream and and cry and carry on, i tend to use other things to calm her down like music or videos she likes. That always works.

generally shell only want a cuddle if shes hurt herself, or if shes tired.

does anything else help distract your little one when hes having an episode??

Rainman; Thanks for the inside tip on dealing w/ Autism as a child :)

Jessimum: We have not found anything that distracts him once the meltdown has started. Just holding him calms him more quickly, then when hes calmed down he wants me to just keep my arms around him for a while.

Everyone: Once again, thanks for your help!!!

I hug him face to face and rub his back. When he starts getting upset, sometimes he'll go in to hug me first.

To add to Tricia's, I prefer to hold gently around the forearms, if your position is good, you don't need to hold tight with your hands. I always try to be very aware of joints- elbows, wrists and shoulders. Also, there are 2 other suggestions I always offer: be aware of the time. Having a clock you can see can really help. This can be very stressful emotionally or physically and when you are under stress time passes differently (either faster or slower) in your perception. I recently had to hold a little boy and the entire length of the hold was 2 minutes. It felt like an hour to me. The other thing is to model relaxing your body while holding. This is challenging because you may be putting physical effort into the hold. But I have found that if I do some relaxation breathing while I am holding, often the child's body begins to mimic mine and calming happens faster. Release a little and readjust every minute or so. I also ask if the child wants me to let go or if they want me to keep holding, because sometimes it changes from being a safety hold to a comfort hold. If they want me to let go, I count down from 3 before I release each arm, and praise the new calm body throughout that process.

OK that was more than 2 things.