Temple Grandin and Relationships | Autism PDD

I saw an interview with Temple Grandin once. She is very articulate, very smart. But she said she lives alone, spends all her time writing or teaching or traveling, and has no desire to ever get married or have a relationship? She is held out as the success story for ASD but it seems the relationship piece is still missing despite all her achievements. Does anyone know more - if she has had relationships or why she has no desire to have a relationship?

I totally support her choice to live alone.  BUT - in my opinion, ASD people often choose a solitary life out of fear and confusion, not making a fully informed choice, but a default choice.  No one can speak for Ms. Grandin.  She is obviously a smart cookie and needs no one to second guess her (AKA - me) but I am curious if she and her parents had had access to relationship building - type education, would she still choose to be alone today?

For a long time, I accepted that ASD people just naturally did not gravitate toward other people and that heavy, intimate relationships just didn't float their boats.  But now, I am leaning more toward the belief that if ASD people were helped along through all of the confusion and chaos of the social world, they would be able to enjoy people much, much more and thus, seek out and find long lasting friendships and marriage-type love.

Anecdotally, I just want to say that my 52 year old bro in law is Aspergers and, of course, never got any services or counselling or anything.  He just made his way through life, as did most ASD people in previous generations.  He is happily married for 15 years now and has a child.  And a successful career in journalism.  So the theory that ASD people "naturally want to be alone" is tossed on its ear in his case.

My ds is 13 yrs old and can't wait to have a girlfriend one day

He thinks about it a lot

He asks me questions about girl and and dh and I etc.

He is self-conscious that the girls might not like him but I try to remind him of all the really great things about him

He closes up sometimes and doesn't want hugs
When I hug him sometimes he just stands there
But that is ok he seems to still want the hugs but isn't sure what to do back (hug back) I am having to teach him how to hug back


Just wanted to share that I appreciated all of the responses on this post--I have 3 or 4 of TG's books and have just been too busy to read them, but am holding out hope that by the end of the year I will have tackled one or two!one of my first clues with savannah that something wasnt quite right was that she couldnt hug...I know about the sensory stuff now...but it was odd at first...she would come at you with her arms across her chest...and sort of lean against you. we had to teach her to put her arms around our shoulders and squeeze...I would hug her...and put her arms up and say...big squeeze...and she got the hang of it eventually...but I can imagine at first it was a scary thing.

Most ASD kids in TG's generation (and even some today?  hope not!) were likely either "immersed in social situations" or went off to be completely alone.  Social immersion, with little support and guidance, would be hell for an ASD kid.  No wonder most ASD kids have turned into ASD adults who "prefer to be alone."

Today, we are coming to understand the needs and the challenges of having an ASD.  Many parents, like Shelly above, work slowly, gently and consistently with their children to show them, little by little, the joys of being involved with people.  Also, many teachers better understand what is going on with their little ASD students and can be effective mentors.

I have great confidence that the newest generation of ASD kids, because ASD is much better understood now, will be much more comfortable with the social world.   They will have much less social anxiety and confusion.  Being with people will not be such a struggle because they will understand better what is going on and not be living in a constant state of social confusion, which leads to isolation.

The "social component" is the biggest hurdle for our children, but they can come to a peaceful place socially with the help and guidance of loving adults.

Perhaps reading one or two of Temple Grandin's books would be helpful.  I enjoyed "Emergence" but haven't yet read any others...

I read all her books when Sarah first got diagnosed and although I felt glad she found a way to make it in this world I was sad she didn't share the same feelings as us and stated she never saw the beauty or "AWE" of a sunset like we do and couldn't understand the dance of couples being in love...she said very bluntly she had the feelings of a rock

Blessings,

I know Dr. Grandin has written several great books. I hope to purchase some of them when I have more time to read them. I'm so overwhelmed with all the books I am reading for my son right now - Gutstein's RDI books, sensory integration books, an ABA book - that I haven't had time to read hers. Does "Emergence" offer any information on Dr. Gradin's feelings about relationships? Dr. Grandin has stated that her mother immersed her in social situations when she was young. I do wonder if her mother had the opportunity to also take advantage of something like RDI if she would feel differently about relationships?


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