Having another child when one has PDD | Autism PDD
Hi There,
I am new to the board, first post. I have a 4 year son who
has PDD and I am 37 years old. I would like to have another
child and I am planning on starting in Dec.
Have any of you been scared to conceive again.
I love my son and it's been rough since he we discovered something
wasn't right and is why we waited so long to try again. Now
that we know what's wrong and he has been receiving the help he needs,
I can't help but be nervous what if the second one is worse is it fair
for me to bring that child into the world knowing that my first has PDD.
Most of the parents from his school have younger children and they are either typical or the same.
Do alot of you have more then one child and were you scared to conceive again?
I have a 6 yr old with PDD-NOS and wanted another child too. I heard there was only a 10% chance my second child would be autistic too. And guess what he is. But before you feel bad for me please know that I don't regret it. My ds is 2-1/2 and a joy (most of the time). What's more, he is very close to my 6 year old and they love each other to bits (most of the time :) ) Of course there's a chance you will have another child with autism but there's a chance you won't. I think you need to be prepared to love your child regardless and I'm sure you will!I have a 7 year old boy with pdd-nos and 4 year old NT twins. My son got
the diagnosis after I already had the girls. I probably would have been
more hesitant but I am glad I was not. His younger sisters have been his
best therapy, they adore him and they all do have each other for life.
Would there be regrets if one or both of the twins were asd? Life would be
harder in many ways and resources slimmer but I know it would not effect
my love for any of my kids.
There are a few members here who have more than one child on the
spectrum. It seems many of them also have other family members on the
spectrum (cousins, themselves, grandparents). I think if you feels that
there are other people in your family who are on the spectrum you do
have a higher chance of passing it on.
The risk is always there. Our eldest Daniel was 4 when he was diagnosed in 2003. But my wife and I tried for our second child in 2001 without any knowledge of Daniel's diagnosis. It might have affected our decision-making.
But now, in hindsight with Daniel 8 yrs and his kid brother Jordan 6 yrs old, we do believe strongly that having a sibling with the autistic child helps our autistic boy to open up. Jordan treats Daniel just like a normal kid. Daniel is enrolled in a mainstream class and I can safely say NONE of his classmates can talk to Daniel the way Jordan talks to him. And Daniel does conduct short conversations with Jordan.
To quote a child development psychologist we were seeing in the intervention years, the sibling can become a playmate to the autistic child.
Yet, there is still a risk... I believe there are some parents on the board also with more than 1 child on the autistic spectrum. I believe I read an article last year about a mum in England that had 3 boys, ALL AUTISTIC !!!
If I had known the boys were PDD before i got pregnant I would have been worried some. But I believe it was a premie twin thing and the likelyhood of having twins again was pretty slim.2 kids, both affected by autism, no hesitation on having the second one. we will not have another, I'm 41 and exhausted. If they slept at night or if I had family around to help we would have another one. They love each other and from what I can see have mostly benefitted.I think this is something that u can argue both sides of! U have to go with ur gut... do what U think is right for the family- for ur son..Don't forget to take into acct your own temperament or ur hubby's and what u both think of yet another disability... I guess this is one of those poignant questions - if u knew something was wrong with ur unborn child(amnio detected a prob), would u go ahead and have the child anyway?? If yes, then u are probably going tobe OK with trying for another kid (for the benefit of the first). But if ur answer tot hat question is NO, then u "may" not want to deal with another disability...
Good luck...
My dd just got her dx so I had her younger brothers before the dx. At the least, all 3 of my kids have had speech/language delay and they all have varying sensory issues. I am actually worried today after my 3 year old started preschool today. I have thought he was fine, but they said he didn't really communicate well today and wasn't listening. I'm a little freaked out now, especially since he started exhibiting these sensory seeking behaviors a few months ago.
I really have a hard time knowing what is normal behavior vs. what is worrisome.
I'm new to the boards too, second post. I have a 4yr old daughter diagnosed with ASD, and a 2 1/2 year old daughter who does not worry me (the way my eldest did, anyway). We got pregnant with our second without having a diagnosis for our first. I would not change that. However, I was told by our pediatric neurologist that autism runs in families and that it is good we don't want another child (I assumed at the time he said this because he thought the risk of our having a child with "classical" autism was pretty high). I am happy with our two girls. They are very different, and I think they will be very good for each other. And I would not take back anything. It is your decision, and a tough one, and I really hope you find peace in making it.
We found out Sharlet had autism when I was already 7 months pregnant
with Nina. I was terrified she was going to have it too. She is now 15
months old and possibly on the spectrum too, she is delayed and has
some repetitive behaviors and unusual play habits. She is going to have
functional assessments soon and start intervention. I am no longer
terrified, but I am scared of what life is going to be like if she is indeed
autistic.
I would have liked to have had a son, but I really feel that if we had one
he would have autism for sure so we have decided not to have anymore.
If you want another baby, there is only about a 10% chance that it will
have autism, so a 90% chance that it will not. If you have another child on
the spectrum, you will do fine. You are doing it every day with your child
now. Nina is so wonderful and we do not regret her being here for a
second, even if she has autism she is a beautiful child and a great
companion for Sharlet.
Good Luck and (((HUGS)))
Take Care
There have been LOTS of threads on this topic - you might search for some and get more opinions (especially of people who no longer post on the board).
We didn't even suspect a diagnosis when we got pregnant with our NT daughter. If we had, I might have been more hesitant. But she has been a total blessing. Someone told me recently that if you "try" to have a baby earlier in your ovulation you are more likely to have a girl. Girls are less likely to have autism, but on the other hand, if they do - it can be more severe (not necessarily, but increased chance).
I don't know what my ds would do without my dd. She has really taught him a lot and he has become SO much more social with her around. Today, she was in her room (supposedly napping) and ds asked me to go wake her up so they could play! Of course, right now all they are doing is fighting mostly (WHEN does school start again?).
It's a tough decision and I wish you the best on it. Really, only you can decide. But hearing all of the sides can help as well. Welcome to the board - I think you will find a lot of warm, caring, supportive people here!
I did not know my son was on the sprectrum until after my 2nd son was born so I did not even have that worry at the time but now knowing yes I have worried. I just had an eval thru ECI for my 2nd son b/c I was paranoid and thought he was'nt talking enough and they said he was doing fine and just enjoy him. I now have three children, a baby girl besides my two boys and I'm pretty sure I'll be like that a little with my daughter but not in fear so much that they will be on the sprectrum but just want them to have early intervention, I just found out my oldest had PDD-NOS in Feb. and he was six.Whether I find out later that my two younger ones are indeed on the sprectrum I'll love them just the same so don't worry and if you want another child and that child does have Autism I bet it won't make a difference to you and you'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he/she will have the best potential life!
Karrie I agree. Autism didn't really factor into our decision to not have a 3rd child. My age, health (I have had gestational diabetes with all of my pregnancies and am increasing my risk of developing diabetes with each pregnancy), finances and room in our house have all been factors. I guess financial does take autism into consideration - because we have spent a ton of money on ds' therapies and classes. We've basically spent any money we would have put in his college fund for that stuff. It isn't an option anymore as my dh had "the procedure" to ensure that. We feel we're too old to have more kids. We both come from parents who either gave birth (dh) or adopted (me) us at an older age (39 for both moms). Now we are both facing having elderly parents and small children (one with special needs) at the same time. It is very difficult to balance. And, our kids won't have much memories of healthy, active grandparents. Anyway, I am so thankful for both my kids. If I had been younger and not had gestational diabetes - I would seriously consider another child. Oh, and richer too! My older son didn't get his diagnosis until well after our second child was born, so we never had to go through that dilemma. I did toy with the idea of a 3rd child, but for us, my age, energy level, and the size of our house were perhaps bigger factors in our decision than the risk of having another special needs child. Here are some things to consider when making your decision: Autism can result from a spontaneous mutation (no family history), and is not that likely to occur again in the same family. Autism can also result from a hereditary tendency (family history). Asperger syndrome didn't exist as a diagnosis until 1994, so there are adults out there who are unaware of being on the spectrum, perhaps someone in your extended family. This checklist will help you know what to look for, but I wouldn't necessarily use it to encourage a family member to get a diagnosis: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html - Simon Baron-Cohen's Autism-Spectrum Quotient quiz for adults Even with a family history, the risk is probably under 50% (I've seen varying numbers but don't have the sources at hand). However, if it happens to you, it hits you with 100% of its force, so it's good to think carefully about how well your family would adjust to the emotional, practical and financial challenges of raising another child on the spectrum. This is a very personal decision, and I wish the best, whatever you decide. Welcome to the forum.
know in my heart I am going to go for it as I don't want my son to be
alone in life, even tho me and my husband are "tired" we love Jakey very
much and I can't see us not loving the second child just as much. As you
know, it can be a scary decision. I am fortunate that Jake sleeps all
night, with the exception of bathroom, nightmare, sometimes accidents
in bed so we have been getting our rest gearing up for #2.
My husband is much more on the side of not having one then I am. He is
willing to go again but if it could stay status quo that would be fine for
him.
Jake doesn't even have cousins his age and since his social is what it is, I
mean, he makes friends at school, they love him but outside I think with
typical children it's going to be harder.
I am glad to hear such positive replies it does help my decision making
knowing you all know exactly what I feel and what I am going through.
Many parents with typical kids can sympathize but they just don't know
till they are in it.
To Allegra, that statement you made about doing it now with my child
you are so right, it becomes a way of life and you deal with it and to me
and my family my child is "normal".
Thanks so much for the welcoming to the board, I'll definitely be staying
awhile. 
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